My 'Alternative' Biography
In this video I talk about how I wrote my ‘alternative’ biography (inspired by Daniel Tong and the Things Musicians Don’t Talk About Podcast) and about the truths in my journey of becoming a professional classical violinist.
A few months ago I came across Daniel Tong’s ‘alternative biography’, the true meaning and struggle behind the words that people read when they visit his concerts or website. Thanks to the ‘Things Musicians don’t talk about’ podcast’, I found it, and loved reading his alternative bio alongside Hattie and Rebecca’s ones. I’m so grateful to the musicians who go on the podcast to share their stories of struggles and perseverance and I wanted to write an alternative bio for myself! I feel like one of the lucky ones, with a performing career, however I think it’s so important to highlight the failures and disappointments along the way so as not to give the impression that it getting to where I am today was easy or that I just strolled into this life. I worked so hard and along with some amazing wins came (and come!) lots of disappointments. I hope this video will resonate with others who on the path of becoming a successful artist! Good luck!
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Our Shostakovich 9th Quartet with the Barbican Quartet
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Read my Alternative Biography:
At age 2,5 Amarins started the violin. Nobody really knows why she wanted to play, but she begged her parents to let her, so they did. Her first contact with the violin was through the Suzuki method. Her mother had to help her lift her fingers (as her motor skills were not fully developed yet) and they spent hours practicing together, which mainly consisted of playing with stuffed animals, getting stickers for playing one note and lots of cuddles. At age 5 Amarins’ mother decided that they should leave Suzuki after Amarins’ teacher shouted at her, and got angry that she hadn’t practiced enough. After leaving, luckily Coosje Wijzenbeek could take Amarins on and Coosje was her teacher until she was 18. Often Amarins would dread her violin lessons, being afraid that she hadn’t practiced enough. However, whenever her mother asked her, she was always steadfast that Coosje was the best teacher for her and she never wanted to quit the violin.
At age 12 Amarins took part in her first competition. She had practiced hard and thought she might win. But, she didn’t even get to the final and was very disappointed! She told herself: ‘Next time I will win!’. Two years later, when the competition was held again, she did.
Looking back at her teenage years, Amarins struggled with the mental pressure of school and high level violin. She didn’t have much time to relax and was very focussed. There are many people who tell young violinists that the time before their 20th birthday is when the most can be learned, and Amarins took that to heart. By doing so she possibly sacrifed other things like downtime and making new friends.
In 2008 when she was 17 Amarins’ father, Oane Wierdsma, passed away after suffering from cancer. It was an incredibly destabilising period. Amarins decided not to go study abroad in order to be able to stay close to home. She then obtained her bachelors degree at the Conservatory of Amsterdam where she studied with Vera Beths from whom she learned a lot about style and interpretation and Amarins would sometimes also play for Vera’s husband, Anner Bijlsma, with whom she loved working on Bach and talking about life.
At the end of her degree in Amsterdam, Amarins won the 3rd prize at the National Violin Competition of the Netherlands. She put a lot of emotion into her playing and felt comfortable on stage in the second round but the final felt so scary! It was her first time performing the Brahms Concerto with an Orchestra and the final, which was broadcast live on national radio, was held in the big hall of the Amsterdam Concertgebouw. How could she not be nervous? She was very proud to have won the 3rd prize at the same time as being a little sad not to have played her very best. Did she maybe have unrealistic expectations of herself?
In 2013 Amarins moved to London to study with David Takeno at the Guildhall School of Music. It was a big adjustment for her to go from a world she knew into a new ‘sea of fish’. It was so exciting to explore a new city and she learned a lot about herself, her fears and her boundaries. During her second year at Guildhall she was asked to be in a string quartet for a Shostakovich Pre-LSO concert. She said yes. After a few months of working together (because they loved playing chamber music), the quartet needed a name, and so the Barbican Quartet was born. They like to say their first concert was at the Barbican but actually it was their second or third…
During her studies in London, Amarins went through different phases; of loving the violin, loving music, and also phases of being daunted by the future, by the idea of a career in music, and just generally doubting if she could do it. There were ups: Winning awards with the quartet and as a solo violinist and also many downs: Being rejected for auditions and masterclasses and sometimes not even getting a response to an application or being told that you don’t quite cut it.
After graduating music school comes a time of re-finding yourself. A time to discover who you are as a musician without being told how to play. It can be invigorating and also scary to step onto a stage without somebody’s stamp of approval. Amarins has been working with stage fright for many years now. It’s not something incredibly severe, however it can sometimes be disheartening and frustrating if you can’t play your best due to being nervous. Recently, Amarins has been feeling better on stage. Maybe because she doesn’t feel the need to prove herself to herself as much anymore, or maybe just because she’s performing a lot. These things come and go, and she tries to be kind to herself and let the bad and the good happen together.
Through a lucky connection and good timing, Amarins has been asked to be a guest concertmaster of quite a few orchestras now. She often deals with impostor syndrome when she goes to lead orchestras. ‘Why should everybody follow me, when I’m the only person playing this piece for the first time, and 10 years younger than everybody else?’ she asks herself. Recently these thoughts have been less frequent as she’s starting to believe that perhaps she’s a good concertmaster and that maybe it’s her good musicianship that orchestras are interested in. After winning the ARD competition in September, Amarins felt a sense of relief. ‘Finally we will have security that the quartet will make it’ she thought. ‘Of course there will be a lot of work, however that’s the exciting part!’ Amarins is excited to see where the next few years of her life as a musician will take her, but first she is very much looking forward to spending time with friends and family during a well deserved holiday.